(Whether she’s your bio-mom or not.)
Mother’s day has come and gone, and now you’ve got to get back to wedding planning. You probably showed your mom all kinds of love on her special day, but now it’s time to focus on planning your special day. Wedding planning can be stressful, and it gets even more difficult when we involve family to help us out.
There’s no place this shows more than your wedding day. Planning your wedding with your mom can be engaging, challenging, maddening and downright fun. We had fun doing it, and we want you to enjoy this time, and let nothing stand in your way.
1. Have the difficult conversations early on
Weddings are a happy time, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have challenging conversations. Yes, wedding planning brings up the past and now might be a good time to talk about things. Weddings are a happy time, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have challenging conversations. Yes, wedding planning brings up the past and now might be a good time to talk about things.
[bctt tweet=”Want to enjoy #weddingplanning with your mom? Have the difficult conversations early on!”]
2. Be clear about what you do want help with
Moms want to help. That’s their job! Let your mom know what you want her to help you with, and what you’ve got covered. As the wedding date gets closer, be open to reevaluating this list and asking for additional help if you need it.
Note to Moms: This may sound harsh, but your child’s wedding is your child’s wedding (not yours!) and they may or may not want you to help.
3. Talk about the family traditions you want to keep, and those you want to let go
Did your great grandmother wear her mother’s dress? Did your mother wear her mother’s jewels? Family traditions are great, but when it comes to your wedding it’s important to know which traditions you want to hang onto and the ones you don’t want to include. This can be hard for mothers, so have that conversation and be open to compromise. If you think Gran’s dress is ugly or just not your taste, you don’t have to wear it.
4. Sort out the money
Today, 60% couples contribute to their own wedding costs, so why not talk to your folks and see where you’re all at. If you’re struggling financially, be honest and see how you can all contribute without going broke.
5. Ask her about her own wedding
Mothers often want to live and relive their dreams through their children. That’s great some of the time, but when it comes to your wedding you want it to be your event and no one else’s. If you feel your mom is trying to plan her dream wedding instead of yours (this happened to us – despite the fact that mom had already planned sister’s wedding 10 years before), have a talk with her about what she did for her wedding so you can understand where she’s coming from. There might be something going on there that you ought to know about.
6. Listen to advice, but do your own thing
We all love to feel listened to, and mothers of the bride are no different. Show your mother that you hear her by listening to her and really considering her advice. In the end, it’s your wedding so it’s important that it represents you. Don’t roll your eyes, but listen and you’ll see just how much she appreciates it. OK roll your eyes if you have to, but think about her suggestions anyway.
7. Don’t do anything out of guilt
Weddings definitely bring out emotions, and guilt-related issues can be particularly tricky to manage. Does your mother want you to wear her dress? Do you feel guilty so you can’t say no? Saying “no” will help keep your relationship intact during wedding planning and afterwards. We know you love your mom, but it’s your big day!
8. Spend time with your mother
You’re about to begin a whole new chapter of your life, and your mom knows that. Take some time to spend with her while planning your wedding. Go dress shopping together. Have a girls night out and talk about how things are going. Including your mother now will remind her that although you’ll soon have your own family, she’ll always be a part of your life.
From online RSVPs to that well-designed wedding website and a social network connecting all guests, wedOcracy lets couples collaborate with friends and family to plan an awesome wedding. Sign up for wedocracy and make wedding planning with your family fun and social!
How’s wedding planning going for you and your mom? What other things should mother-in-laws do or not do during wedding planning? Share your thoughts in the comments.